The Homeowners Association of VCA (Villages of Central Arkansas) has added another C acronym to its growing list of six-figure salaried personnel! Please read the following posted job description to see if anyone you know is a good fit for this cash cow opportunity.
Position Title: CPO (Chief Patronizing Officer)
Department: Executive Branch of Administration
Supervisor: Answers only to Self
Salary Range: 100-500k (applicant to determine pay)
Rubber-stamped by: HOA Board
Date: August 2019
The HOA Board must vote 6/7 to appoint a person to this position. The CPO micromanages, controlling everything in the HOA.
Responsibilities:
The following duties are expected:
- Join multiple organizations (HOA pays dues) to fill resume
- Travel frequently to urban conferences (HOA pays)
- Restructure staff, adding more management-level positions
- Spend association funds indiscriminately
- Attend multiple meetings, speaking often to demonstrate vast knowledge
- Write own contract and evaluation criteria for bonuses
- File grievances against others who question and/or disagree with anything
Education Requirements:
Online Master’s Degree in the last 5 years
Bachelor’s Degree (Sorority membership desired)
Experience:
No prior management positions required, just be connected with the right people
Skills Needed:
Excellent at bean-counting
Manipulative personality
Possess an overinflated ego
Ability to be condescending and patronizing to others
Must possess the ability to delegate
No leadership skills needed, but must be self-righteous
The best candidate for the VCA CPO will demonstrate an uncanny ability to bring about divisiveness in an established community. The evidence of this mistrust will need to be shown in a majority vote by owners against changes to the first rules. The CPO must refuse to acknowledge the mistrust created and continue to support multiple poor business decisions that favor money over people.
“This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.“
Author of Important job posting at VCA
Ron Williams
08/28/2019 — 7:16 am
Just 2 comments…The board wouldn’t even vote to appoint this position. The Executive Dictator will hire on her own. And…where do I send my resume?😂
Vicki Husted
08/28/2019 — 7:57 pm
Yes, I believe the correct description should read 1/7 to appoint, 6/7 to terminate. Other than that one MINOR correction, looks to be perfect. Not planning to apply, I came here to be retired. Would like to get on with that soon.
Steve
08/28/2019 — 7:21 am
Oh, Max, you forgot a couple other key requirements for this job.
Pettiness, thin-skinned, out of touch. Ability to hide behind desk for long periods of time, working relationship with law enforcement, ability to quash the press, must be schooled in intimidation tactics, able to lie with straight face, scoot from meeting to meeting interrupting whenever it is appropriate, architectural lodge design experience, contract negotiation so that we always lose money, pocket neighborhood expertise, ability to blame the weather for everything.
Ability to negotiate contract so that it can never be broken.
Great work if you can get it…and she did!
Mary Odom
08/28/2019 — 8:04 am
❤️
Nitty Gritty
08/29/2019 — 11:51 pm
Steve, You and Max are the dynamic duo of side-splitting humor. So appropriate!
Minn Daly
08/28/2019 — 7:52 am
Yea, did Leslie Nalley resign? Cheryl, this is to funny! Needed a laugh this am! Respectfully, Minn Daly
Monica Impellizzeri
08/28/2019 — 10:01 am
Love this! Made me laugh!
Anonymous
08/28/2019 — 10:22 am
If this narrative wasn’t so very true, it would be a funny read. Sadly, it depicts the reality of our dire situation here in HSV, which is of course, was the author’s intent. Mission accomplished.
What we need is to replace the legacy BOD members and turncoat Tormey and fire Lesley.
Happiness will be restored if we can just get this job done!
Anonymous
08/28/2019 — 11:29 am
LOL 🤪🤪
Anonymous
08/28/2019 — 2:55 pm
All we need to go with this is a cartoon of 5 monkeys all wearing blinders, with earplugs in and hands over their mouths.
Anonymous
08/28/2019 — 5:29 pm
Absolutely hilarious!
Kurtis Sutley
08/28/2019 — 11:00 pm
Never mind…the position has been filled.
Karen Daigle Lundberg
08/29/2019 — 1:42 am
OH, MY…..this is just too funny. Thanks for the belly laugh!! I needed that… I think we all did.
Anonymous
08/29/2019 — 5:38 am
Needed a good laugh, thanks!
Anonymous
08/29/2019 — 5:41 am
Enjoyed, needed a good laugh! Thanks.
Sharon
08/29/2019 — 8:54 am
Hilarious !!! It so true.
NittyGritty
08/29/2019 — 9:32 pm
Max Pixel, you are so clever! You gave Hot Springs Village people a stomach ache from laughing! Laughter is THE BEST medicine. You’ve revived us.
Judy Weatherly
08/30/2019 — 10:39 am
That is soooo funny!! Thanks Max..we all needed a laugh😂
Shame the position is already filled!
Melinda
08/30/2019 — 1:28 pm
Max Pixel isn’t the author; it’s the website where Cheryl gets the clipart for these posts. LOL
Anonymous
09/23/2019 — 7:13 pm
this is so funny but so true …. I can not believe with the challenges that we have in the village (all are solvable I might add) that our CEO can sleep peacefully knowing she is commanding a salary that she is and not getting the results that the people need. I love the village and all the beautiful people we have as residents here but the CEO has to go